Do Something Amazing.
copyright Clara Vaz 2014

Monday, April 29, 2013

This is How You Keep Her

I dont usually post random things on here, but this really struck a chord. I love Junot Diaz and I love this book he wrote. I loved him writing Oscar Wao into life and I loved him writing Brooklyn shorts and gritty family heartbreaks that kept me company on the dirty underground through NY nights.

I love his understanding of self, of relationships and the inexplicable bonds that keep us coming back. I love him for knowing how to put the vapidness of words to something so undefinable as love in a way that is at once telling of its intensity and violence, but also of its soft harmony and enveloping melodies.

We forget all too often about selflessness. It's almost out of our control: our world demands this individualism. But this is my definition of love. To put someone else first. We are so centred on the self that we forget about another. I'm not saying I want to lose myself in you in any way other than the romantic poetry of the notion, but I do want to place you above anything else in my life, because you are worth that.

So here. Maybe you'll like this one.

This is how you lose her. 
You lose her when you forget to remember the little things that mean the world to her: 
the sincerity in a stranger’s voice during a trip to the grocery, 
the delight of finding something lost or forgotten like a sticker from when she was five, 
the selflessness of a child giving a part of his meal to another, 
the scent of new books in the store, 
the surprise short but honest notes she tucks in her journal and others you could only see if you look closely.

You must remember when she forgets. 
You lose her when you don’t notice that she notices everything about you: your use of the proper punctuation that tells her continuation rather than finality, your silence when you’re about to ask a question but you think anything you’re about to say to her would be silly, your mindless humming when it is too quiet, your handwriting when you sign your name in blank sheets of paper, your muted laughter when you are trying to be polite, and more and more of what you are, which you don’t even know about yourself, because she pays attention.
She remembers when you forget. 
You lose her for every second you make her feel less and less of the  beauty that she is. 
When you make her feel that she is replaceable. She wants to feel cherished. 
When you make her feel that you are fleeting.She wants you to stay. 
When you make her feel inadequate. She wants to know that she is enough and she does not need to change for you, nor for anyone else because she is she and she is beautiful, kind and good.
You must learn her. 
You must know the reason why she is silent. You must trace her weakest spots. You must write to her. You must remind her that you are there. You must know how long it takes for her to give up. You must be there to hold her when she is about to. 
You must love her because many have tried and failed. And she wants to know that she is worthy to be loved, that she is worthy to be kept.
And, this is how you keep her.


Jaenelle said...

Did you write that, or was it a book excerpt ?

Clara Vaz said...

Hi Jaenelle!
This is an excerpt from the book: This is how you lose her, by Junot Diaz
Highly recommend!

Karina said...

Hey Clara, do you know what page this excerpt is on in the book? Thanks :)

Anonymous said...

what page is that excerpt on because I read the book and I don't remember reading it

Anonymous said...

No seriously though, I need to know what page

Anonymous said...

I feel like this quote is not in the book. Omg what is the page number??? :(

Anonymous said...

I read the entire book and this passage is not in it. Does anyone know where it really came from?

Anonymous said...

i really wants to know where you bought this book? I can't find it anywhere with this cover.

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